Lola Carandini's Dorm

It was hard to think about other options when for so long, there had only been one. He had grown comfortable with certain things and now it seemed as if all those moments of preparing himself for Harvard University were wasted. He had really felt as if he was going to be accepted. Being placed on the school’s waiting list only made matters more miserable so it seemed and now, Emmett was forced to think about other options, while trying to keep hope about still attending his dream school.

His eyes stayed locked on Lola’s and for just a second, he felt as if everything would turn out well, one way or another. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, still trying to really go over everything. He had to start thinking about what he would do now if Harvard really was out of the option. He couldn’t think about that now, he wanted to at least try and fight for Harvard. He was in a war with himself, between his dreams, reality, and the worst possible outcomes becoming reality. It certainly was no place Emmett wished to be.

“You always know what to say,” he mumbled, as he looked up toward Lola, his eyes only on her now. “To make me feel better,” he told her slowly. His pulse raced and he felt as if he were going to pass out at any moment. He was a wreck right now and he really didn’t know what to think anymore. All that he did know though, through all of his confusion right now— was that Lola was unthinkingly and without a doubt, the best person he could have ever hoped for.

“Thank you,” he told her softly, his words whispered at this point now. He really just had no idea what to make of this all, all he needed was some kind of place in his mind where everything felt right, kind of like it did now. He looked up toward her, his eyes intensely focusing on Lola as he leaned forward. “Thanks,” he muttered again, this time his lips closer toward Lola’s now. Slowly, the connection between their lips was made and Emmett’s hand found Lola’s and grasped it lightly. She was the only person that could help him through this.

Lola wasn't really sure what to make of Emmett's expresion as they stared at each other, which was weird for her. She'd gotten pretty good at reading him. She could tell he was calming down a little, which was good, but at the same time, he was looking at her weird. "Well. I meant everything I said?" she offered timidly, feeling really out of her element as Emmett stared at her. His eye contact only seemed to get more intense and she felt like a bug caught in one of those zapper things. She knew she should look away, break whatever the hell this connection was, but she couldn't.

"I, um-" she started nervously, rubbing her hands against her pajamas as she tried to formulate her thoughts. He was leaning in toward her, and her palms were actually sweating, and she still wasn't sure what the hell was going on. Her gaze dropped to his lips and she bit her own before glancing back up to meet his gaze and- oh, she thought, as his face came even closer. It was like slow motion, slow enough that she should have been doing something or saying something to stop it, but she felt paralyzed. "What-" was all she managed to get out before she felt his lips against hers.

Huh. This was... weird. Oh, it was nice, but it was weird. Emmett was kissing her. Lola was pretty sure if her brain had a speedometer, it would've recorded an insane decrease in speed, because she couldn't get her thoughts to work properly, or her hands to do what they should be doing. They should be pushing him away, not coming up to rest on either side of his face. She should be telling him to stop, not returning the kiss. Oh fuck, she thought, because this was definitely, definitely something she'd wanted, but not like this.

She pulled away slightly, mere millimeters, and rested her forehead against Emmett's as she tried to stir her brain back into functioning. It didn't work. Because all she could think was that if this was what Emmett needed, if this was what made his sadness about the waitlist dull, then maybe it was okay. It definitely felt okay. "Shhh, it's okay," she murmmured against his lips, even though he wasn't saying anything, before pressing her own against them and letting her eyes slip closed again.

It was a beautiful disaster. On one hand, there had been these untouched feelings for Lola that he had carried for quite sometime now. She was endearing, she knew him better than anyone else should know him, she even knew how to take some of the worst imaginable moments and say just one think that could make him smile— all these things about Lola, while they were great, were also frightening. If anything happened between them, their entire friendship would be put at risk. For that reason, Emmett had repressed those feelings about Lola and instead replaced them by simply telling himself it would only and always be, just friends.

Of course, he had slipped up once or twice since he vowed to keep it only on a friend-to-friend basis, but never as big and crucial as this moment now. Although he had wanted this moment for a long time, every second that they continued on like this would only in turn ruin everything they had built between them. There was no way really avoiding the awkwardness that would follow this moment and he was sure that things would either turn sour or grow stronger between them. At this point, he needed neither of those to happen.

Still, even though he knew the destruction within the kiss, he couldn’t stop himself. It was exactly what he needed on plenty of levels. He trusted her with this, he felt the comfort in her kiss, and let’s be honest, the physical sensation of finally kissing Lola was definitely worth the wait. Their lips parted and her taste lingered on his lips. He could feel her breath against his lips as she spoke softly and as if there was some kind of magnetic connection between them, their lips found each other’s again.

His left hand rested on the side of Lola’s face as the kiss intensified between them now. It was intoxicating to finally have this physical release with her like this, but the voice in his head only seemed to grow louder. He knew that it should have stopped after their lips first met, he knew it should have never happened to begin with, but it hadn’t happened that way. Maybe, Emmett was only making his statement about being weak even more real now. He couldn’t even keep control of his emotions around Lola enough to keep their friendship from hitting an awkward patch like before.

Their lips parted again and he closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against Lola’s now. He regretted it, to an extent. Of course he couldn’t regret finally having this connection with Lola, but he regretted it for what he knew what would follow. “I’m sorry,” he told her softly as he pulled his hands away from her body. “I really,” he paused, he shouldn’t have done this. “I,” he was stumbling over his words and thoughts now. “I should probably go, I just— I’m sorry,” he mumbled slowly as he backed away from her. Everything about that moment was perfect, but completely and unthinkably wrong. He had only made everything worse, he really was aiming for failure at this point.

This was really, really, really wrong. Lola came to that conclusion with a start as she felt Emmett's tongue against hers, but it took another few seconds to realize she was supposed to care that it was wrong. Pulling away slowly, she took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Emmett's soap and shampoo as she tried to steady her breath. Even in that moment, she knew she'd never be this close to him again. "Um," she whispered softly as she felt the heat of his forehead against her own, trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts and form a coherent sentence.

She pulled away slowly and crossed her arms over her chest as he started to apologize, meeting his gaze briefly before dropping her own. It was plenty of time, though to see the regret in his eyes. She felt like she'd been suckerpunched, and most of all, she felt stupid. Of course he'd only kissed her because he was an emotional wreck. If he wasn't, he would've... chosen more wisely or whatever. Found some hotter girl to fuck away all his problems.

"Um, yeah, that sounds- that's-" She took a deep breath, the tips of her fingers digging into the opposite arms as she kept her arms crossed over her body, as if protecting herself. "You probably should," she said simply, careful not to let her voice tremble, and even more careful not to look at him. She was pretty sure she'd start crying if she did.

She stood up and walked across the room to open the door, squeezing her eyes shut for a second to collect herself as her back was turned to him. "I have to go pick up my dog anyway," she said once she'd remembered how to form sentences, looking at the wall, the ceiling, the floor... anywhere but him. "But, um, it's okay. I know you're not yourself. Upset and all." She shrugged. "I get it."

As soon as the moment of indulgence had passed, everything he knew and had worked on to protecting his friendship with Lola came crumbling down. As if he didn’t already hate himself enough for basically stopping any future he had with Harvard University, he most certainly put his entire friendship with her on the line. It was his fault and whatever way it was spun, there was really no way of saying sorry and it being taken seriously.

Sure, he was sorry for going too far with Lola, he had blatantly crossed the line of friends and more than friends, but it was exactly what he wanted at the same time. It was just like he imagined it, more even, but he knew already that things were skewed now. He looked away from Lola, his dark eyes settling on the locks at her door once again. Why was he such a fuck up like this sometimes? Her words made goosebumps appear on his arms and although he had been the one to suggest leaving, he didn’t want to hear her confirm it.

Part of Emmett was hoping that she would ask him to stay— not just because of the physical satisfaction that would follow up between them, but because it would give him a sense of her wanting him there, of her wanting him to be more than just a friend. She didn’t though and Emmett took that as the worst possible explanation. He had not just screwed things up, he had royally fucked up his friendship with Lola and only by chance, a little groveling, and possibly a new book or two could he even really... attempt to fix things.

He stood up from her bed and walked toward the door that she had opened. He stopped beside her and lowered her head. “It’s not that, it’s—” he paused for a second as he placed his hand on the door knob, squeezing onto it tightly. It wasn’t just because he was emotional, he really did want that, he really did want to be with her. “I just,” he was stumbling over his words again and he was afraid that if he opened his mouth anymore, things would get worse. He needed to think about things before he tried to explain any of this.

“I am really sorry,” he told her once again. “I hope you forgive me,” he said slowly before he turned toward the hallway, closing the door behind him while he left. He stood there for a second, closing his eyes as he tried to just... think about everything. It hurst his head... a lot. He really didn’t know what to make of any of this. He took a deep breath, hoping that would settle his nerves... it didn’t. He shook his head and walked off. Emmett Warwick seemed to be a failure by design.

Lola bit her lower lip, hard, to keep from asking Emmett to expand when he started to say that wasn't it. She wasn't even sure what he meant, and she didn't think it would help her to know. She was 100% sure it wasn't anything she wanted to hear, and it would just break her heart into a million pieces. Again. She smiled sadly, resting a hand on the doorknob as he walked out. "I just..., too," she murmured.

"You-" The door shutting broke her off mid-sentence, and she pursed her lips. "You don't have anything to be forgiven for," she said softly, turning around and pressing her back against the door, sinking down until she was sitting on the floor. Squeezing her eyes shut, it didn't really do much to ward off the tears.

For twenty seconds, she'd let herself believe that maybe, he felt the way about her that she did about him. And getting her hopes up had just made the aftermath hurt that much more. There was no way a guy like Emmett could be into a girl like her. She was lame and inexperienced and her idea of a good night was curling up with a book. And even if by some miracle he was, nothing could happen anyway. That was the catch-22, really. Even if hell did freeze over and Emmett did see her that way? She couldn't just give herself to him knowing it would mean way more to her, and the next morning he'd be on to a different girl.

"I'm so freaking stupid," she muttered, drawing her knees to her chest as she tried to collect herself enough to go pick up her dog from Sydney.